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A little question

Yesterday, in The Age‘s A2 section, I read a bewildering sentence in a review of a new independent magazine, Kill Your Darlings. Owen Richardson’s review opened with this:

All little magazines are good simply because they are, and a new one can only be welcomed.

Let’s hear that again: all little magazines are good simply because they are.

It’s an odd way to commence a review that isn’t all that laudatory. In a few hundred words, Richardson comments that several of the key pieces in Kill Your Darlings‘ first edition—both fiction and non-fiction—needed more air than they were given.

Maybe Richardson is trying to praise the existence of a culture in Melbourne where there’s a new magazine each week, but again—what if the content is pedestrian? Or the magazine is poorly edited? Should I pay $15, $20 for something just because it’s ‘little’?

Something that frustrates me about this culture is that anything indie/fringe is flattered, irrespective of its quality.

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Sides

Somewhere between the tram stop and the woman sitting with Sudoku on her lap, I figured it out.

We’ll draw a line through the city.

And you can stay on your side.

And I’ll stay on mine.

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The machine

A couple of years ago, I drank a coffee that ended a friendship. The friendship had begun to curdle weeks earlier and, somehow, a decision to disband was made without a word exchanged on the subject.

During this coffee, the was-friend was talking about her options after graduating from university. She didn’t have a job in her area of interest. At the time, I was still bartending and suggested that she could get a hospitality job while she was looking for work. She responded along the lines of, ‘I don’t really think it looks good to an employer to have just worked in a bar for six months after uni.’

The comment bothered me for several reasons. For one, it was haughty. For another, who was this employer?

Since I finished university, I’ve felt this ceaseless pressure to be a kind of walking resumé; to think of myself not so much as a person, but a cluster of skills and attributes. Education. Employment. Computer skills. References. Objective, objective, objective, soldier.

I’m not comfortable with self-promotion. Cover letters make me cringe, and I shrink from telling people that I’ve had something published or broadcast because I don’t want to seem boastful. I also have an aversion to self-promotional machines.

Everyone ‘networks’, as they say, and there’s nothing wrong with telling people when you’ve done something great, but there’s a balance. There’s value in knowing when you’re saturating people and to wax Gladwellian for a moment—nobody wants to be their own tipping point.

I have some friends who promote at perfect pitch and I’m glad they do. The difference between these people and self-promotional machines is subtlety: a mention, rather than a broadcast. Often, I find the machines are the same people who will add, say, a magazine editor on Facebook who they met at a party for two minutes on Saturday night, because they might come in handy someday. I have only a sliver of tolerance for people who are forever ingratiating themselves, not because it’s wrong to carpe the diem, but because I see the insincerity and at that point, it becomes repulsive to me.

I don’t want to structure my life according to what some hypothetical employer does or doesn’t expect from me. The other day, I ran a few errands and read a book. I don’t consider reading a book a waste of a day, just because I can’t tack it on a CV. The graduate in me feels that what’s expected in this ‘transition’ from study to work is that I spend every waking moment accumulating skills because nothing I know is enough to beat the competition. Don’t you know this is a difficult job market?

I love to learn, but it annoys me that learning for its own sake is considered less valuable. Or that having a break after six years of high school and four years of university is not auspicious, because you don’t want a gap on your resumé.

Though I miss having more than $0.23 in my savings account, I am enjoying part-time work and the painfully slow application process. I have the time to read and write whatever I want, to not plan my week around course readers or the essay on Chilean history that’s due on the same day as the essay on the United States Supreme Court. It’s so luxurious. How many times in my life will I get to wander up Greek cafés, eat roasted cherry tomato breakfasts and sniff that The Age is so ‘lifestyle’ nowadays?

I’m 22. What is the fucking hurry?

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Starlings

On Friday night, I saw Richard Dawkins speak at the Town Hall. I was flipping through a hardback edition of The Greatest Show on Earth and there was a colour photograph of a flock of starlings flying somewhere over England. I recognised them, because I have a whole series of photos just like it. Thousands of birds flying over Rome at dusk. The formations look like moving fingerprints. Unfortunately, starlings are considered a nuisance because of the mess of their droppings and an incident where a flock got sucked into an airplane that had to force a landing.

What a nuisance, though.

Starlings

The patterns remind me of Van Gogh:

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The magazine section

This morning I walked to Borders to graze in the magazine section. A few minutes after I arrived, this little boy farted quite loudly. In a precursor to his teenage years, the boy then tried to blame it on his father:

“It was you. You always do big farts, Dad.”

I figured that the boy’s father was feeling embarrassed enough, so I hid my giggles by walking to the counter with my purchase. Just thought I’d share it with you.

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Memoirs

After several demoralising experiences at the supermarket, the ATM and on the tram, I’ve settled on this title:

Insufficient funds

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Stuff my mum brings home

Gorgeous old maps of the city. We like maps here.

Map 1

Map 2

Map 3

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The McBlockbuster code

A few months ago, I clicked on a Twitter link that took me to an excerpt of The Da Vinci Code. Someone had copyedited the first chapter. Chortle, chortle. Brandy?

It’s not that the The Da Vinci Code is a masterpiece, but I’ve always found complaints about the book bizarre. There’s the historical inaccuracy criticism: that Dan Brown, inventor of crass fictions. These arguments never seemed particularly weighty considering that Dan Brown is a fiction writer.

There’s a movie at the cinemas called Becoming Jane, about Jane Austen and her supposed dalliances, cavorting around the meadows in her youth and whatnot. The film is called a speculative biopic, which is a euphemism for ‘we made stuff up’. It’s also capitalising on the Jane Austen revival of recent years, in its various zombie and book club manifestations.

Is The Da Vinci Code that different? Is it the religion thing? It’s not as though the book sits in the non-fiction section. It is a fiction novel, so why the huff?

Though I didn’t find Angels and Demons as compelling, obviously both books milk that mystique of art, history and religion, particularly from the Renaissance period. The Da Vinci Code is interesting. For instance, it touches on the idea of Jesus as a man, not a deity. You can chant historical inaccuracy all you like, but the history of Roman Catholicism—history, in general—is riddled with inaccuracies. I’m not saying that The Da Vinci Code should be treated like a textbook, but if you were to take the Bible as the only history of Catholicism, what would that say about Catholic history?

There are thousands of books that take history and spin yarns around its details. There are books that explicitly borrow from literature, like Geraldine Brooks’ March and, again, Karen Joy Fowler’s The Jane Austen Book Club. The difference, perhaps, is that few of them have enjoyed The Da Vinci Code’s success and I suspect that many of the writers steaming like teapots resent that Dan Brown is rich.

What is so offensive about the idea of millions of people around the world reading the same book? Does a book have to languish in obscurity or win the Nobel Prize to be a true book?

A book sells well and its author makes millions and people bemoan that the blockbuster novel is destroying literature. It’s true that there is an impact on the publishing industry, on writers and authors, and there are discussions to be had about that, but it’s also true that nobody likes a tall poppy. That copyedit of the first chapter of The Da Vinci Code just looked so petulant. I also think it’s mean: a way of saying that anyone who enjoys The Da Vinci Code doesn’t know what good writing is.

As for the complaints that Dan Brown’s writing is woeful and the editing process lax and so on—when I was reading the book, I didn’t even notice. It’s a remarkably clever story.

I can’t believe I’m about to write ‘when I was in Paris and Rome over the summer’, but when I was in Paris and Rome over the summer, I remember thinking that it was easy to see why people were entranced by The Da Vinci Code: clues in Renaissance paintings, secret societies, the shrouded and distorted history of Roman Catholicism.

The Da Vinci Code is gummy. The book wouldn’t be as enticing during a second reading, because the beauty of a great thriller is what alights on the next post. If you already know, the story loses its flavour. Still, I barely put the book down until I finished it and I don’t see why that’s a bad thing.

Historically inaccurate and poorly constructed, they sniff. If I may slip on my robe and ignite my pipe for a moment: what is history?

Sniff.

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Plurality

You know how the plural of the word attorney-general is attorneys-general, not attorney-generals? Well, you do now.

In my spare hours, I’ve been brushing up on French and I encountered a similar detail when doing grammar exercises:

le bonhomme (old fellow) – les bonshommes

le gentilhomme (gentleman) – les gentilshommes

Quite.

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Library books

Whenever I feel like being indignant, I think about people who write and underline in library books. I’m not puritanical about books. It makes me cringe when people talk about a book’s smell like it brings them to the brink of orgasm. It’s a nice smell, but that’s all.

If you bought the book, you can scribble as much as you like. If it’s in a public library, keep your oozy biro away from it. Do you think that everyone who needs to write an essay on semiotic theory wants to read your reflections on the topic?

Get a blog.

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